Nine Months Later {a letter to my daughter}

My Sweet Baby Girl,

Last night you were having trouble falling asleep, so as we often do, I sat down in the chair with you and laid you against my chest and we rocked until I finally felt your tiny body relax and give in to sleep. I could feel your warm, sweet breath against my skin and while I knew it was probably safe to get up and put you in your bed, I decided instead to keep rocking. We used to do this for hours when you were brand new to this world, but these days your adventurous and curious spirit leads you to squirm out of my arms and I long for these quiet, precious and fleeting moments with you.

You’re into everything these days, learning and discovering your world through touch and taste. Child safety locks are being installed on our cabinets, baby gates are going up, and glass candleholders on bookshelves are being replaced with blocks and puzzles. Last week, you put your hand on a hot pizza before we caught you and you burnt your tiny little hand. I cry over the blisters that formed on your hand as they are physical reminders that as much as I try, I will not always be able to protect you from harm.

Last week, we were at the grocery store, and as often happens, an employee came over to the cart to catch a glimpse of you. “She’s so cute!” she exclaimed, “What is she, about 5 months?” “No, she’s 9 months….” I responded. “Wow, she’s a teeny one, isn’t she?” she said. We get this a lot, sweet girl, and this is just the beginning. She’s not trying to insult you, but the world is filled with commentary and you’re always going to be “too” something. “Too small” “Too short” “Too shy” “Too ambitious.” Because you’re a girl, people’s go-to responses to you are almost always going to be about your appearance. At this age, they’re going to comment on your wispy blonde hair and how darling your clothes are (which they are), but it won’t be long before people will start talking about your height or your weight or the brand of clothing you choose to wear. I fear for the day you come home from school in tears because of something someone said to you about your thighs. I wish I could put safety locks on mean middle school girls, but I know that I cannot protect you from everything. What I can do is set an example for you starting now of how to love and respect yourself in the hopes that maybe you’ll be resilient when insults come your way. I promise that you will never hear me complain about my body. You will never hear the words, “If I could only lose 10 pounds” or “My diet starts today” come out of my mouth. I mean that. I will do my absolute best to teach you how to love food. I’ll teach you how to make a killer stir fry.  But I’ll also teach you how to bake your grandmother’s carrot cake. We will ride bikes, spend hours at the park, and go on adventures. But we will also have family movie marathons that feature sweatpants and butter popcorn. I’ll teach you how to walk in high heels and how to hold your head high, even if you’re 3 inches taller than your date. I will do my absolute best to make sure you are reminded everyday of how funny, smart, and kind you are. I cannot protect you from all the harm in this world, and I promise that you’ll face things in this world that will try to break you. But your daddy and I will do our best to make our home a haven and to set an example for you of what it means to love yourself, love others and see the beautiful person God created you to be.

You spent 40 weeks and 3 days tucked safe inside of me and today marks 40 weeks and 3 days since you’ve been Earthside. I spent my entire pregnancy willing the time to pass quickly, anticipating your arrival and dreaming of who you would be. It is such a privilege to be your mama and to be entrusted with helping you to grow and learn, but I’m not going to lie, sweet girl, there are lots of moments where I long for the days when you were still inside of me, perfectly hidden and safe. I can’t promise that there won’t be people and things that try to harm you or break your spirit. What I can promise is to always provide a safe place to land and to love you through this beautiful life. Because it is beautiful, sweet one, and so are you.

I love you,
Mama

Coffee and Concealer {The Stuff Mamas are Made of}

Ahhhhh…..Sleep. Sort of like sex {which also seems to become a coveted rarity when an infant comes in the picture}, sleep is the one thing everyone seems to want more of and no one seems to be getting enough of. If you’re reading this post looking for answers to how to get your infant to sleep better, I’m sorry friend. I wish that I had answers for you. This is more of a “we’re in this together” and “you’re not the only one who feels like she’s one cup of coffee away from a mental breakdown” sort of posts.

Let me set the scene for you. It’s 8:30 at night. The baby took four naps today that totaled about 35 minutes. You’re rocking her in a dark room after a bath and three stories. You’re nursing her for the last time and thinking about your date with the couch, the Bachelor, and your yoga pants. Finally, you think, a couple of hours to myself. She unlatches and her tiny infant breathing becomes slow and heavy. You try to maneuver yourself out of the chair without waking her, soothingly placing the paci between her open lips. You’re walking over to her bed when you step on that stupid electronic dog who begins to sing the “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” The anxiety washes over you like a wave. And so, it begins again.

With few exceptions, sleep seems to be the most anxiety-inducing aspect of early parenting. It’s one of the first questions moms seem to inquire of one another. “How is she sleeping?”….to which we all smile and say, “Great!”….
…But if we were really being honest, we’d say, “Well, she’s 8 months old and she’s still sleeping swaddled in a bassinet because I literally lie in bed panicking thinking about how she’s going to roll over in her crib and suffocate……so, I ordered this $40 contraption that’s supposed to help her to transition from a swaddle and I basically stalk my mailman waiting for it to arrive…..and sometimes when my baby sleeps more than two hours at a time, I go into her room just to make sure she’s still breathing….but otherwise, we’re GREAT.”

So, like I said….I don’t have any great answers, but here’s a few things I have learned about sleep over the last 8 months:

1. Every time you think you’ve found a good pattern or rhythm, life throws a wrench. Teething. Growth spurts. Illness. I’m just not tired, let’s hang out mom. Enjoy the days when sleep seems to come easy and when it’s not, remember that whatever is disrupting their sleep is temporary.
2. Go with what works. Surviving as a new parent is difficult enough. Stop making yourself feel guilty because she sleeps with a pacifier or you let her nap in her carseat.
3. Transitions suck. If you’re like us, you may have started your baby in a bassinet, swing, or bouncer to make her feel safe and secure when she first arrived at home. Eventually, you’re going to have to transition her into another bed….but you know it’s going to be a couple of really, really long nights {and when is it ever a good night to not sleep?}. I wish I had a solution. Just know you’re not alone and that this is the first of many transitions as a parent.
4. If you’re a 2 parent household, get her used to going to bed for either parent. This makes the first night you go out with girlfriends so much easier.
5. Do whatever you have to do to lessen your own anxiety. Don’t put crib bumpers in the crib if all you’re going to do is stress about them. Get a video monitor. Drink some wine. Make a bed in her floor. It will get better.
6. Put her to bed awake as often as possible. Let her learn how to put herself to sleep. It helps her to transition between sleep cycles if she knows how to soothe herself.
7. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Really, it’s okay to go to bed at 7:45. No one is judging you. Being a parent is exhausting and you know who doesn’t know it’s Saturday? Your little one.
8. Talk to other moms. Read strategies online. Experiment. But know that what works for your friend’s baby might not work for your baby.
9. Remember that it’s temporary and that you’re going to miss 3 a.m. wake up calls when she’s 16 and won’t get out of bed until well after lunchtime.
10. Invest in really good coffee and really good concealer.

You are not alone. When you’re rocking that sweet one in your arms for the eleventh time tonight, know that thousands of mamas are doing the same. And remember that tomorrow is a new day. Rock on mama.

These are a few of my favorite things

At the start of a new year, as we begin to put away all of the lovely new things that we received for Christmas, I can’t help but feel a tad overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the stuff that seems to be hiding in every crevice, closet, and drawer in my home. Babies bring lots of blessings to our lives, but they also bring lots of STUFF. Without some of it, I’m not sure how we would have survived the last 8 months. Other things {like that singing dog that woke up my child during her nap this afternoon} I could maybe do without. But in the spirit of counting down to a new year, here’s my rundown of the 10 things I could not live without:

1. Rock n’ Play Sleeper – This bad boy is worth it’s weight in gold. I did not expect Ellie to sleep in it as long as she has, but she loves it – and we all know the first rule of sleep – if they’re sleeping, don’t mess with it. Here’s why you need one:
   • It’s the perfect size for placing right next to your bed for as long as you want baby within arm’s reach of you during the night. It also rocks, which well….rocks.
   • It folds up, making it super easy to travel with. Baby will sleep better away from home if she’s still in her bed.
   • It’s lightweight and easy to transport up and downstairs.
   • Baby can’t roll in it, so mama gets a better night’s sleep knowing baby is safe and secure. 
2. Baby Bullet – I make all of my own baby food. No, I don’t wear my Birkenstocks while I do it. Honestly? It doesn’t take much time and I love not only saving tons of money {have you seen the price of those little jars?}, but also the peace of knowing exactly what I’m feeding my little one. The Baby Bullet makes it so easy to blend and store….plus who doesn’t love the smiley faces on the jars?
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3. Bins  and Organizers – Babies are tiny and they come with lots and lots of tiny things. I don’t know what I would do if I did not have storage bins in her room to help organize diapers, wipes, socks, wash cloths, bibs, burp rags, and toys. Bins make me feel like I have my life under control….or at least her socks.
4. Ergo Carrier – Wearing Ellie is one of my absolute favorite things and it’s one of hers too. I wear her all the time – when I’m cleaning the house, when we’re grocery shopping, and anytime we go someplace where a stroller just isn’t the best option. We rocked a Boba wrap when she was first born {which I adored}, but because it’s stretchy, I didn’t think it provided enough support once she started to get bigger and squirmier. So, we did our research and we invested in an Ergo. See, I use that word “invested” because that’s exactly what it is. They’re not the cheapest carriers, but if you plan to wear your little one a lot, get something that is going to be comfortable and supportive. And if the Ergo is for you, beware of buying them from non-certified Ergo retailers – they may look similar, but they are sort of like buying a Coach bag from the guy in the alley. It looks good, but I wouldn’t put my baby in it. 
5. Earth Mama Angel Baby products – Ellie has super sensitive skin. That combined with a desire to use organic products on her soft beautiful skin led me to discover Earth Mama Angel Baby. Seriously mamas, these products are wonderful and they are all-natural, so no need to wonder what that ingredient is that you can’t pronounce. They also make awesome mama-care products for postpartum. I can’t say enough good things about this company.
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6. Bath sponge – We went old school in the bath department. After spending hours trying to figure out what little plastic tub we should purchase, we ultimately decided on the good old fashioned sponge and I’m so glad we did. It was perfect for tiny infant sink baths and now that she can sit up in the tub, it provides a non-slip surface she can sit on comfortably. Oh, and it’s like $4.00.
7. Halo Sleep Sacks – How did it take so long for someone to come up with this thing? It’s like a baby sleeping bag. Some have wings with velcro to make swaddling a cinch. You just can’t put a price on a good night’s sleep. Ellie loves to be swaddled. I love that I can rest assured knowing she’s warm and cozy without loose bedding in her bed. Seriously people, get one in every color. 
8. Braun Ear Thermometer – If you’re like me, you kind of nodded and smiled as the nurse told you to use a rectal thermometer and to call if baby’s temp went over 100.4. You want me to stick it where? Then your baby gets her first fever and the cheap-ass ear thermometer you registered for gives you temps that range from 97-100. Don’t skimp on a thermometer. Your baby is going to get sick a lot and a good thermometer is going to help you make important decisions. If the rectal thing still kinda creeps you out, this is a great ear thermometer. This thermometer came at the recommendation of my sister and we find it to be very accurate and easy to use.
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9. Hyland’s Teething Tabs – Teething is an asshole. There, I said it. These little tabs seem to make it bearable. We like the tabs better than the gel because in the middle of the night when baby is screaming and arching her back, smearing gel on her gum just isn’t very easy, but both work great.
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10. Things you can put baby in so you can {insert verb here} – This is a catch-all for all those wonderful inventions that allow you to safely put baby down and…..go to the bathroom, cook dinner, check email, take a shower, be a human. Because we all love snuggling our sweet little ones, but sometimes you just want to go to the bathroom without a baby on your lap. Invest in a good swing, an exersaucer, a Bumbo, a highchair, a play gym, etc. etc. etc. Everyone has different preferences, but all of these things will help you maintain your sanity, and you really can’t put a price on that.

Happy New Year to all of you. May your 2016 be filled with blessings….and a good night’s sleep!