This is Motherhood

Motherhood is….

• All – nighters that you don’t brag to your friends about on Monday morning.
• Playing an impromptu game of peek-a-boo with the shower curtain to get the baby to stop crying so you can rinse the soap out of your hair.
• Weighing the risks of waking the sleeping baby in the car by stopping to get a cup of coffee or go to the bathroom. Then, actually considering trying to pee in an empty water bottle so you don’t have to stop.
• Making a fool out of yourself in public trying to get your little one to giggle.
• Sneaking a snack inside of a closet so you don’t have to share.
• Realizing three hours into work that you have dried barf in your hair.
• Spending gobs of money on organic, fragrance free, gluten free, parabin free soap for your baby while you buy whatever is generic and on sale for yourself.
• Driving around your neighborhood for forty five minutes because the baby finally fell asleep.
• Assessing every symptom as if you are an expert. Baby’s running a fever? It’s probably a tooth. Baby’s fussy? She’s definitely going through a growth spurt…..when really….let’s be real, you have no. freaking. clue. why.
• Standing in the Starbucks line and not really remembering how you got there.
• Answering the door while feeding your babe and realizing the mailman probably didn’t want to see that.

But it’s also…holding that sweet child in your arms as she breathes heavily against your neck and realizing that this is the best thing that ever happened to you. It’s the privilege of being the only person who can calm her down when she’s tired or sick. It’s being incredibly proud the first time she stands up on her own, but at the same time mourning the fact that your baby is growing up and that time goes too fast. It’s falling in love with your husband all over again as you listen to him read her bedtime stories. It’s smelliest, snottiest, most-challenging and rewarding gig on the planet. And you wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything.

An Ode to 5 a.m.

This morning, I awoke to the sounds of Ellie “talking” in her bed. “Maybe she will fall back asleep,” my husband mused as he rolled over toward me. We both knew it wouldn’t happen. I did not want to look at the clock. My bones creaked as I slid out of bed and tiptoed into her room. As soon as she saw me, she stopped crying. A huge smile crept across her face as I reached down to bundle her into my arms.

In that moment, I no longer cared what time it was.

I’m not a morning person, so this whole baby getting up everyday at 5 a.m. thing still takes a little getting used to. At least when I was a teacher and had to get up at 5, I had the weekends. Ellie has no idea what Saturday is. I crept back into our bedroom to feed Ellie, hoping that she might fall back asleep and we could get another hour or two in before we were up for the day. When I feed her in the early morning, I usually grab my cell phone and surf the internet while Ellie eats, trying to keep myself awake. But this morning, I did not reach for the phone. It occurred to me as I cradled her that today marked 6 months since she was born. In that moment, against any tiredness or weariness I might have felt, I was overcome with this incredible sense of joy for this precious child who fits so perfectly against my body. And so rather than surfing Facebook, I prayed over my little one.

Lord, You knew this child before she was born. You knit her together inside of me and you built her for greatness. As her mom, please don’t let my own desires to shape her into the person I want her to be get the best of me, but rather help me to nurture and guide her into the person you’ve created her to be. Thank you for this incredible gift and for trusting me with this incredible responsibility. Amen.

I might complain sometimes about 3 a.m. parties or 5 a.m. wake-up calls, but the truth is, it’s all wonderful and I would not trade all the sleep in the world for those quiet moments alone with Ellie before the world wakes up.

I’m also thankful for naptime. 🙂

Here We Go….

I am a researcher at heart. I seek to know and understand. The popular Strengths Quest personality assessment calls it “input,” or someone who likes to collect or gather information. If you look upstairs at the shelves and shelves of books and files that I have collected over the years, you’ll see the physical proof that I am indeed a collector of knowledge.

And so, when it became time to think about starting a family of our own, I did what I know. I researched. I was starving for information on conception, ovulation, pregnancy, and birth. I downloaded apps on my phone (they literally have an app for everything), watched documentaries, borrowed books from friends, and even (I’m a tad embarrassed to say) spent over four hours on a website called “is it a line?” I found solace, peace, and reassurance in the courageous birth stories of other women, and when the stick finally showed two pink lines, I felt ready and informed to make decisions about the kind of pregnancy and birth that I would have.

A year later, whet I’ve found from talking to friends, co-workers, and even strangers, is that there are other women out there who are starving for choices and information, but who don’t really know where to begin. The idea for this blog started from a desire to literally share the wealth with other information seeking mamas, and so it will begin with some thoughts and resources that helped me. I have since become a mama to a beautiful little girl named Ellie Grey, and while my pregnancy journey is over, I am learning everyday what it means to be a mama. I think that there is a lot of power and peace that can be found within circles of women who share stories, thoughts and ideas, so I hope that as I continue to share my life with you, you’ll share yours with me too.

So after much prayer and consideration about starting a blog of my own, I’m finally jumping in. Here we go….

M